Thursday, December 21, 2006


"One day Mal-2 asked the messenger spirit Saint Gulik to approach the Goddess and request Her presence for some desperate advice. Shortly afterwards the radio came on by itself, and an ethereal female Voice said


"O! Eris! Blessed Mother of Man! Queen of Chaos! Daughter of Discord! Concubine of Confusion! O! Exquisite Lady, I beseech You to lift a heavy burden from my heart!"


"I am filled with fear and tormented with terrible visions of pain. Everywhere people are hurting one another, the planet is rampant with injustices, whole societies plunder groups of their own people, mothers imprison sons, children perish while brothers war. O, woe."


"But nobody Wants it! Everybody hates it."


At which moment She turned herself into an aspirin commercial and left The Polyfather stranded alone with his species."

So starteth the reading from the Principia Discordia

All Hail Eris! All Hail Discordia! Aww Hail Yes!

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Paper chain of though

All authority is based off the strength to enforce it. We are taught that might doesn't make right.  So since might doesn't make right or preclude it,  the strength of the authority should not be what we base our opinions of its moral or ethical value on.  However no matter if an authority is right or wrong it is still based off strength and so is best avoided. Whoever the authority is they are most likely not you and, in being not you, will have differing opinions on right and wrong.  If those opinions are too different you will end up fined, jailed, or dead. If you wish to be around people and wish to deal with an authority that is as close to you as possible then I suggest a commune that you control admission to.  Other than that you must learn to deal with stupid cabbages, accept being arrest, fined, jailed or deaded, or accept living by yourself on a mountain far away.

Particularly pesky parts persuaded to perform perfectly

My iPod died. Specifically the hard drive in my iPod died. All it does now is make clicking noises. So after I drowned my sorrows in beer, and well after I tried everything I could think of to get it to work again, I started looking into how I could repair it. Thankfully the Internet provided a wealth of instructional material. Now all I have to do is buy the replacement hard drive, very carefully open the case on theiPod , swap the drive, put it back together again, and configure it. In doing this I can even get a bigger hard drive, by capacity not size, than was initially installed.

The point of this blerb is to point out one of the reasons I like technology and my grasp over it compared to other people. A normal cabbage (non-thinking person) might lament the failing of his toy and go buy a new one for quite a lot of money. An almost not cabbage might try to get his toy fixed for slightly less than the previous cabbage. But they will ignore the possibility that they themselves could fix their toy on their own and that while they were at it they could upgrade their toy to an even better toy. I love that technology can rise to meet my needs. I love that the only thing really standing in my way to whatever I want is a smallmodicum of money, some thought and effort. It makes me wonder if the other things work that way too.

How perfect would the world be if a small amount of money, though, and effort were all that you needed to get what you wanted? What if the world is that way already?

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

The Book of Sudden Revelations

I want you to imagine that for a good portion of your life, more than half, you have emulated the doctrine of a cult without ever having talked to a single member or heard a single sermon. Think about it; you've followed a religion, cult, organization, Krazy Kool-aid Klub without ever realizing it.  What do you think that means.  Personally I think it means that even though it is a joke of a religion, or a religion that is a joke, Discordianism resonates with some part of my soul. I have always found great fun in confusing my friends and making them think or, bare minimum, annoying the piss out of them if they didn't think. I don't know if I could be just a Discordian; stop my religious journey and be a full time follower of Discord, but I think that is okay because I think that if you devoted all your time to it then you wouldn't be following it.

This leads me to my next observation; I am really an odd duck. I practice Buddhist meditation, am apparently a Discordian, and still believe in God though not in institutionalised religion. Suddenly after writing that out I feel mentally exhausted and in need of a padded room, some serious drugs, and some people to look at me through a tiny window. I probably ought to cut back on caffeine.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Five Blind Men and an Elephant*

being by
Reverend Loveshade,

Episkopos of the Discordian Division of the Ek-sen-triks CluborGuild who ripped it off from the Hindus/Jainists

* From the non-existent Apocrypha Discordia, unauthorized companion to the Principia Discordia

The Book of Eris
(We realize that, in the era of the very late 20th Century as this is being written, the title and content of this story are politically incorrect. We apologize for any discomfort, but ask you to remember that the original story was created long before political correctness, and is not intended in any way to be offensive to elephants.)

One day five blind men, who knew nothing of elephants, went to examine one to find out what it was. Reaching out randomly, each touched it in a different spot. One man touched the side, one an ear, one a leg, one a tusk, and one the trunk. Each satisfied that he now knew the true nature of the beast, they all sat down to discuss it.

“We now know that the elephant is like a wall,” said the one who touched the side. “The evidence is conclusive.”

“I believe you are mistaken, sir," said the one who touched an ear. "The elephant is more like a large fan."

“You are both wrong,” said the leg man. “The creature is obviously like a tree.”

“A tree?” questioned the tusk toucher. “How can you mistake a spear for a tree?”

“What?” said the trunk feeler. “A spear is long and round, but anyone knows it doesn’t move. Couldn’t you feel the muscles? It’s definitely a type of snake! A blind man could see that!” said the fifth blind man.

The argument grew more heated, and finally escalated into a battle, for each of the five had followers. This became known as the Battle of the Five Armies (not to be mistaken for the one described by that Tolkien fellow).

However, before they could totally destroy themselves, a blind, self-declared Discordian oracle came along to see what all the fuss was about. While they were beating the crap out of each other, she examined the elephant. But instead of stopping after one feel, she touched the whole thing, including the tail, which felt like a rope. “It’s just a big animal with big sides, ears, feet, tusk teeth, nose and a skinny tail,” she thought. “What a bunch of fools these guys are.”

She then said “Stop! I have discovered the truth. I know who is right.”

She being an oracle and all, they stopped and listened and said “tell us!”

“I have examined the elephant with mine own two hands,” she said, “and I find that you are all right.”

“How can this be?” they asked. “Can an elephant be a wall and a fan and a tree and a spear and a snake?” And they were sorely confused.

She explained “the elephant is a great Tree, and on this tree grow leaves like great Fans to give most wondrous shade and fan the breeze. And the branches of this tree are like Spears to protect it. For this is the Tree of Creation and of Eternal Life, and the Great Serpent hangs still upon it.

“Unfortunately, it is hidden behind a great Wall, which is why it was not discovered until this very day. It cannot be reached by normal means.

“However I, in my wisdom, have discovered a Most Holy Rope, by which the wall may be climbed. And if one touches the tree in the proper manner which I alone know, you will gain Eternal Life.”

They all became highly interested in this, of course.

She then named an extremely high price for her services (Eternal Life doesn’t come cheap), and made quite a bundle.

Moral: Anyone can lead blind men to an elephant, but a Discordian can charge admission.

Hell is other People

Hell is other people
A discussion of the existence and nature of Hell

Let me preface this fnord with the statement that I believe that religion is faith based; meaning, that things need not be internally consistent and that having faith means acceptance of things that can't be proven for to have proof is to belay faith and cause God, if God exists, to disappear in a puff of logic; which is a very mean thing to do to your creator if God created you.

If we are to assume that there is a single all powerful divine being called God, who loves us, then we must question the stories we are told of Hell. We are coerced to believe that if we do not follow certain rules that all that makes us who we are; our immortal soul, will be sent to a dimension of pain and suffering for all eternity. While it is not my intention to prove the existence or nonexistence of God I would like to challenge peoples thoughts on the nature of Hell and God. I purpose to the reader that there is no Hell as classically thought of for if such a place existed and God sends the souls of those who sin there then God certainly doesn't love us; as no loving being could send someone they love to an eternity of pain and suffering. The alternative is that God doesn't love us if God exists at all. These are assumptions.

If God loves us then it makes no sense for God to send us to a dimension of pain and suffering. If God wants to teach us and Hell is some form of corporal punishment towards that end, then it makes no sense to leave us in Hell for all eternity. If God is willing to send people to an eternity of pain and suffering if we do not follow Gods rules then God is using coercion and fear to gain followers; not the act of a loving being.

If we operate under the assumption that God loves us then we must discount the existence of an eternal dimension of pain and suffering. This leaves us with a number of possibilities; Torment in Hell is not eternal, Hell doesn't exist, or we have a misconception of what Hell is.

I am of the opinion that we are currently in Hell; surrounded by the greedy, selfish, and egotistical, and all of the things that I believe to be the consequences of those sins; war, sickness, poverty. I believe this theory over the others because I feel that torture no matter how long it lasts is unethical and not the act of a loving God and that there must be a balance against Heaven.

Having used Heaven in this fnord I suppose I should discuss it as well. I am hesitant to believe that I stop existing when my body dies. Besides the possible thermodynamic problems I find the thought that who I am as a person would be gone forever. I may be wrong about this but if I am I won't know so it seems reasonable to accept Heaven. I like the thought of a reward for being good but because I also believe in balance I believe there must be a punishment for being bad. Thus the concepts of Heaven and Hell emerge. I believe that Heaven and Hell are two separate places. That does not preclude the world we live in from being Heaven or Hell also. The reason that I believe Hell and the mortal world are one and the same is that there was no need to create aseparate place for Hell and God, even though God is all-powerful, isn't stupid or wasteful. Furthermore it seems and excellent way to allow people to see theconsequences of their actions while they are still alive and still have time to change before they die. I believe that when you die you are judged. If you are deemed worthy you may enter Heaven where you are allowed to be you without having to deal with bad people; Like an earth where everyone though of others as themselves and treated them with at least respect anddecency if not outright love, a world without transgressions. If you are not judged worthy you are sent back to earth in a new form after you are shown the error of your ways. This does not mean you have to change; that is up to you. Those who refuse to change, who enjoy their sinful ways, may be thought of as demons. Souls who voluntarily leave Heaven to go back to earth to help people and teach them may be thought of as angles. Eventually I feel that Earth will be populated only by demons and angels; all other people having become demons or have been accepted into heaven. From then on I think it will be a struggle between demons that try to corrupt angels and angles that try to convert demons. Perhaps there may be a reset so that nothing becomesstagnate.

Some may see this as condemnation of their behavior and to them I will not say you have committed the sin of pride in thinking this is about you. This is about my perceptions of reality which can't be right because I am not a perfect being and can't be right for you because you're not me.