Hard Cider project

This is not a recipe; this is the beginning of a recipe. The hope is to cull info from the web and produce a hard cider; "Hail Eris!" "Wholly Mother" "Golden Apple" or something like that.

5 bags of different apples
10 qt stock pot with a hole in the side at the bottom.
3 qt stock pot
3 qt stock pot lid
blender (bigger volume the better)
2 25 lbs dumb-bells
cheese cloth
apple corer
fermenting bucket
grolsch style bottles
air lock
bottle wand thingy
brewers yeast
big ass tub

Core a crap ton of apples (no stems or seeds). Blend them with the skins on to paste; to let the juice out. Pour the result into cheese cloth and wrap them up so that the apple sauce can't get out. Put them in the 10 qt stock pot. Put the cheese cloth wrapped sauce in the 10 qt stock pot. Put the 3 qt stock pot lid on top of them. Put both 25 lb dumb bells on top of the 3 qt lid. Put the 3 qt stock pot under the hole in the 10 qt stock pot to collect the juice. Congrads you've made a make shift cider press. Put the juice and some water into a sterilized fermenters bucket with a packet of brewer's yeast. Put the lid of the fermenters bucket on with the air lock in. Fermenting ought to really start in 12 hours or so. Put the bucket some where cool and dry. Wait until the bubbles from the air lock slow to a minute between bubbles. That was your primary fermentation. Let it sit so that it can clear. Gently move it to an elevated position so you can siphon it into bottles. Leave head room so that the minimal living yeast don't carbonate further and break the bottle. Leave the bottles alone. Don't drink them yet. Let them sit. I swear. Like a couple weeks so that they can carbonate and mellow. Keep them somewhere dark and in the big ass tub so that if a bottle breaks the cider doesn't get everywhere.

A civilized city once again.

You can now buy booze on Sunday in Lexington.  The law has taken effect, and strangely enough I haven't molested anyone, gotten in a fight, or run anyone over as is mostly likely expected by the Pro-Christians and MADD people.

New phrases

My head has a tummy ache. Best way to say you have a hangover

Why I do what I do

My name is Tom. I am known by other names; Elmo, Zombie, Loki, The Bandersnatch, ect. I am also known as The Drunken Master of Speed. I can drink a pint glass of beer in less than six seconds. I can, in very short order, down many beers and go from sober to pleasantly drunk and do so on certain occasions. I am full of drinking stories from all over the place; from this country and others. Residing in my head are secret drink concoctions that are enjoyed by many and are sought after. People see what I do and they want to do it also and I help them.

They never realize that what I am doing is cramming large amounts of poison into my body. They think what I do is cool and not an act of self destruction. They can't do what I can and that makes them want to. They really want to learn to do to themselves what I do.

So what do I do? I have them become my apprentice if they come to me. They have to practice slamming booze into themselves. They have to work at it. After they've done that long enough they are allowed to challenge me and become part of the House of Speed. Just before I let them in though I look them in the eye and I ask them why they want to kill themselves with booze. Why they hate their bodies and why they want to die that much sooner.

They have to realize that this choice is one that isn't going to lead to happiness but a shorter lifespan. That if it gets on top of them, as it can very easily do, they will lose everything else and won't care that parts of their body are dying. Then I ask them if they still want to do this.

I think this gives them an opportunity to act wild and crazy in a sudo controlled environment and see first hand what all of it means. Hopefully they will see what too much is without getting alcohol poisoning. Maybe they can find out what responsible drinking is and know their limit without being t-totalers.