Riding the catastrophe coaster!

I have my lawn chair and some beer; I'm ready for this country to lose its freakin' mind. The US is going to catch fire; first economically, then politically, then paramilitarily and finally physically. I don't know when and I don't know how much fire. I'm not looking forward to it but at the same time I'm excited to see what happens. Some part of me is concerned that if I express these sentiments too loudly or often people will get mad at me and/or try to hurt me.

It's going to be a strange time to be a discordian. Half the time I'm going to have to laugh at the folly of Grey Face. The other half I'm going to be crying because of the pain. The third half I will spend making macaroni portraits of people.

I see this as a truly amazing thing that is going to be full of wondifurious opportunities and horrible choices. It going to suck. It is going to be hard. It is going to be great. It is going to be rewarding.

Thank you for boarding the catastrophe coaster! Please keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times or you may lose them! Please hold on tight, grit your teeth, button up your assholes and get ready for a hell of a ride!

Non Sequitur Bingo

A group of people gather for the discordian game of Non Sequitur Bingo. "But how do we play" they cry. Determine order of play by your favorite method; flip a coin, roll a die, paper-rock-scissors, steal cage match, whatever. The first person says three words that have nothing to do with each other but evoke a strange/humorous mental image (example: Orbiting Whale Pump). These three words form the categories for this round. The next person tries to come up with three words that fit each category in order but that still don't relate to each other. No word can be repeated (no one in this round can use "Whale" from the previous example). A word fits a category by general agreement (Circling might fit in the category of Orbiting). This passes from one player to the next until there aren't any more good word combos, people get bored, or you're out of beer.

Discordian poem combat

5 lines, two stanzas, 2nd and 5th lines rhyme. So very much like a lymric.

If I existed between 7 and 9
I'd be 2 to the 3rd

It would be great
If I was an 8
instead of half of a turd

or less emo

If you existed between 7 and 9
you'd be 2 to the 3rd

It would be great
If you were an 8
Instead of half of a turd

I dare you to use that last one the next time a really unattractive person hits on you at a bar.

Good news and bad news

Hail Eris, full of grace. Caffeination takes her place.

Hail Eris, full of grace. Likes to sit down on my face.

Yes I'm going to talk about it again.

So exactly when did I sign anything that said I consented to be governed by anyone.  It couldn't have been during the first 17 years of my life as this government would not accept my word as legal until I was 18.  It must have been then; when I turned 18, that the government failed to inform me that they inferred my not leaving this country as a legally binding contract that I would follow all their bullshit rules.  I won't waist time saying they can't do that. Of course they can do that.  They have a lot of guns and are willing to assault, kidnap and extort money out of me for as long as they like if I don't do as they say and the only thing I can do about it given the overwhelming odds is shut up or get beaten, kidnapped,  and thieved from.

I have never been the only authority that governed over me.  When I was small I governed over by my parents, teachers, and city, state and federal governments (yes I'm amused that there were 5 authorities). When I went to college I was governed by the University and by local, state and federal governments.  Now I am governed by my company, local, state, and federal governments.

I have never been the only authority to govern myself. How different am I then when I was a small child?  How has the source of the authority I'm governed by changed since I became an adult?

Is there no option but to take on the authorities while chanting Non Servium? Would leaving this country really help?

Congradulations to the Discordians of HARWICH, Mass.

wow

Congrads Discordian nut jobs of the aformentioned area.  That is one hell of a Jake.   A bit pricey though.

London bridge isn't the only thing falling down

The housing market was in a slump until recently when the biggest mortgage financiers reported recorded losses and the market when from a slump to a flaming shit spiral. Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae; yes that is the name of the two largest governmentally backed mortgage companies, are actually worth negative money.  That means that if you sold everything they own off and fired everyone you'd still owe their creditors 5.8 billion dollars.

This along with the energy fucking nightmare ( crisis not being sufficient) suggests that the US is facing not just troubled times but a depression so massive that the the Great One we had 80 years ago will seem reasonable.

Greed and corruption plus short sighted good intentions and incompetent fumble fingered leadership is going to jettison our grand country into 3rd world status ripe for take over. Buy guns, ammo, and food folks.  We are in for a heck of a ride. Especially if a majority of Americans don't have skills that are independent on technology.

I'm glad I know how to raise and butcher animals.  I need to learn some basic farming.

This would be the entropy side of being a discordian.  The part that involves laughing as the system breaks down. Giggling as the law and order freaks watch the tatters of their civilization shred themselves because of mismanagement and abuse. Playing while everyone who can't change and adapt cries "why me" and doesn't do anything. Smiling a mirthless self-satisfied smile as balance reassert itself.  We are coming to a time when we have to change, adapt and overcome our ignorances and pride.

Hail Eris!

An advanced jake

This jake comes in three different Jake levels. The basics are to pervert the automated threat detection system attached to phone taps by calling people and saying a bunch of terrorist buzzwords.

Low Risk:
Call your friends from a various pay phones, never using the same one twice.

Medium:
Call random people from the phone book from the same pay phone.

Advanced:
Call governmental numbers from the same payphone

Eris:
Call Homeland security from your cell phone.

I'm what now?

Google considers me dangerous? My blag can hurt your computer? I would like to think that my website is bad for you brain. Bad for the robot in your head.



I attach the following in order to convince all-mighty google that I am not an evil person.

cliche` ninja

I am sorry that I have abused you by not sharing something I thought up that I think it discordian gold. Take a cliche` and keep the structure of it but change it slightly to point out it's faults. Examples are below.

Original
"When you assume you make an ass out of you and me"

Improved
"When you make an assumption you make and ass out of you and umption"

Original
"When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns"

Improved
"When laws are outlawed, only outlaws will have laws"

Please add your own.

How lame

So I'm going to do the lame uncreative thing of finding quotes from the internet and reposting them here. It is done in the spirit of sharing but all it does is create cliches.

Atheists are people who have no invisible means of support
ALL FANATICS MUST DIE!
If you can read this, you're in range.
We are sorry, you have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone ninety degrees and try again.
A sucking chest wound is just nature's way of telling you to slow down.
Take thee this thing covered with that stuff and give it unto that guy, that he may do things with it.

Koan Time with the Bandersnatch

Life is surreal, other times it's chocolate cake.

beer + beatles = philosophy

I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together. But we aren't all together are we? We, as a people, haven't been together for a very long time if we ever were. I believe it is this fundamental fracture in society that causes friction and upheaval in our world. Worse there is nothing that I know that can bring us all together. If we think of two people as a very simplistic metaphor for the world's culture we can judge humanities ability to come together by looking at the rising divorce rate. Helping to marry people is my effort towards the scientific discovery of some meta-quality in people that can be related to despite language, culture, or geographic location.

Operation Mind-Fuck continues

What do you get when you have a discordian in the military

I'll tell you what you don't get: Brock fuckin' Samson

http://skippyslist.com/list/

These are the things that my brain would come up with to keep me from going crazy from the day in day out boring order that I imagine a military life to be. I also see people trying to make me keep a list like this that I am ostensibly to follow.

mental images

HMILF

If you need a hint the H stands for Holy. I don't need to say more but I am coming up with pictures.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

http://www.washingtonpost.com/

So the NFL is busting churches that show the super bowl on screens bigger that 55 inches because it violates copyright law. It is the view of the NFL and the US gov that screens that big can only be used for public events or some such thing.

Really? Seriously? I mean doing that to Fundamentalist asshole organization sounds like a gas; actually sounds like a good way to at least cost those fuckers some money and set precedent for the government cracking the churches over the head for breaking the law. However to do that to a peaceful organization that is only interested in sharing a hobby and brotherhood is kinda dickish.

Now that that's out of the way it would be kinda funny to roll around to a bunch of these Wal*Mart sized fundamentalist asshole churches and see if they are holding super bowl parties. Either the NFL will succesfully sue a church of assholes of the courts will overturn an assholish copyright law.

Holy Crap someone is actually reading this site

I was looking through the comments section of wordpress's  dashboard and apparently the interwebs have led what I can only assume is an extremely lost wanderer to this site and it are a discordian to boot.  Welcome Pope Eggs Benedict Arnold. I have no idea how google found us. These are the disjointed ramblings of mostly me. This site was set up so that I could keep my brain from fnording. I am Pope Zombie Bandersnatch; the Crazy Black Goat of the Contemplative Order of the Drunken Masters Cabal

I've exercised my eclesiastic muscles

I married Chris and Abby. I asked if they wanted to be married. I said words over it and sprayed them with beer. "You are now both wet for each other". I feel proud. It won't be official unless they bring me a marriage certificate and we all sign it with in 28 days.

Discordian weddings are fun.

fnords be damned

You're my little fnord pot; short and stout.
You need a handle on what life's about.
Keep yourself clean so you don't get gout.
And laugh because you cant figure it out.

Balance

If someone kills a bunch of people with an assault rifle it makes it more likely that laws will be passed to ban assault rifles. A better example is if a bunch of people fly some airplanes into a couple buildings then laws to restrict that from happening will be passed quickly to assuage the publics fear. That seems to me to indicate that Chaos promotes the creation of more laws. What if the opposite is true; that the sudden imposition of overly restrictive laws might create a resistance to them.  If the creation of law promotes chaos and the creation of chaos promotes law and I believe there is too much law then should I join some of the more fanatic law inducing organizations?

I think it is an interesting thought that the people who run ultra-evangelical organizations are trying to create chaos by imposing law.

Campaign to become the person in charge of car registration. Refuse to register cars for anyone who has any moving violations or some other wildly outrageous restriction.  Get thrown out of office and law put in place to prevent such restrictions again.

Become President of the USA. Pull all troops around the world back to the US. Declare Marshal Law citing the laws and acts that allow it. Declare that the Congress, Senate, and Judiciary branches of the FED are abolished. List off a bunch of people who are now declared Enemies of the State and have them executed without trial for passing the laws that allow this to be legal.  Remove the laws that imped social uprisings. Watch as the revolution rises and over throws you and makes laws so that this can never happen again. And just before you are executed declare yourself Ceaser and laugh at how they will remember you always as the cause of their renewed independence.

Zen Anarchist.  Zenarchist.