Sunday, May 27, 2007

The fox's offering is taken at 5.

I have found the place where one can see the Erisian mysteries, and perhaps the face of Goddess herself, on the world wide web, and I am here to tell my pilgrims how they can have the same revelation.

First, you must have a Google account (who doesn't these days). Not neccessarily a GMail account, just a generic Google account. You know, the account that let's Google track every search you submit, every web page you visit, which restaurants you go too, what your breakfast was this morning, etc. Then, set up your individualized Google page, so that they can learn even more about your preferences. Finally, change the theme to Tea Room. Now you too may witness the glories of Goddess as she accepts an offering from her tiny, two-dimensional vulpine worshiper at the holy hour.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Here is the Secret News

All people are afraid. No one knows what they're doing. Everything is getting worse. Some people deserve to die. Your money is worthless. No one is properly dressed. At least one of your children will disappoint you. The system is rigged. Your house will never be completely clean. All teachers are incompetent. There are people who really dislike you. Nothing is as good as it seems. Things don't last. No one is paying attention. The country is dying. God doesn't care.

In lighter news:
Everything will work out in the end. You don't have any reason to worry. You don't need to be rich. Nothing is as bad as it seems. There are people who genuinely love you. You are free to be your own person. Only you can make yourself do anything.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

How might a Discordian celebrate holidays?

I am wondering, at this moment, if I have a constitutionally protected right to dress like a pirate at work every September 29th? After all, it's part of my religion, and freedom of religious expression is a constitutionally protected right. Therefore, given that it is part of my religion to talk, and dress, like a pirate on International Talk Like a Pirate Day, should I not be allowed to dress and talk like a pirate at work?

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Zombie Enlightenment

I can feel them chewing on my arms and legs with bloody mouths full of broken teeth; ripping into the soft unprotected flesh of my pale underbelly.  I thought zombies were after your brains and here they are fighting to gorge themselves on my extremities and viscera. I had never thought of it before but I guessed that I would be dead while I was being eaten. Oh I knew there would be the initial unpleasantness but I had really thought all that would be over quickly as they cracked open my head to get at my brain. It seems unimportant now. Ha.  Pretty much everything seems unimportant now. I guess that means I've reached stage 5;acceptance. I'm going to die, here and now, because there are zombies eating me alive and there is nothing I can do about it. For some reason I think I ought to be mad but now that shock has set in and I know I can't do anything about it, it doesn't even really hurt. In fact it just feels weird. I really don't think a human is meant to feel his internal organs being manhandled like this. It has to be the strangest sensation I've ever experienced and watching it makes it stranger. Why can't I get angry? It's like I can't find anything to get angry about. This isn't any ones fault. The government can't be expected to protect us from something like this. I can't be expected to be able to defend myself against this. I can't even blame the zombies; they don't seem to have any more intelligence then a starved dog. I guess things happen. I wonder why I feel I should be angry.; maybe thats a better question. On the upside this ought to be over soon and then I can get on with things.  Well not exactly but I can find out the big mystery. I'll get to find out what happens next.  I guess if I am going to think about this I ought to think positively.  I'm getting sleepy. Finally. Ha and now I remember that Simon and Garfunkel song; "Hello darkness, my old friend, I've come to talk to you again". What an absurd thing to think about just before you ...

Monday, May 14, 2007






I am the erisian mystery. My birth was marked by an earthquake. Today is my birthday and it is my last birthday. I am now 29 forever. Next year it is 29 part 2. Year after that 29 part 3 and so on.

I am mortal and I don't care. I will live how I want to and that is that. The only thing I can promise is that I will try to not hurt anyone as I come partying through.

Make your mark on this world now and live a life with no regrets. Hate never brought me happiness. Keep learning.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Things to know

Office John Lamb, the man responsible for killing Rachel A Burns; my friend, retired from the Lexington Police Force on 2/9/2005 according to Lexington’s 2005 Annual Report.  Thankfully this man is no longer a police officer though I believe he ought to be in jail.

Thursday, May 3, 2007

This one is mine

Left and right are subjective. The proof of this is that they are completely different if you turn around. Not just in one plane but in all; up, down, forward and backward are also subjective. Go beyond that to a mental realm with no physical directions. Left wing, right wing, Christian, Atheist, nation, race, species; they are all a form of left and right and they are all subjective.