Sunday, December 12, 2010


I am obviously less than diligent about updating this.

I heard back from Toyotetsu. They offered me a job for not enough money to move to a place I'd rather not live.

Go Daddy offered me a job for a ton of money to live in the desert which I took.

I am now in the AZ with everything I want except all my friends and family. I'm very excited about the job and I think I'll be able to do okay at it.

I really miss everyone. It really sucks being so far away from the people I love.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Fuck and now fuck it.

You can't care about every damn thing. We'll see how shit shakes loose. I gotta watch my money but fuck i gotta have fun and eat or I'll go bug shit crazy.

Unisys liked me but didn't think I was up to the task; an all to frequent sentiment. I have some responce back from Bonneville Power Admin in portland OR. We'll see if that flies. Steve still has a space on his team but I don't think he wants me since I turned it down a month and half ago.

Fuck it.

Friday, October 22, 2010


I get unemployment but next to nothing. Barely enough to live indoors. That doesn't count food. This fucking blows. Best I can tell I'll have 160ish dollars to eat every month. About 5 bucks a day.

The only hope I have is that the time I spent on unemployment counts and that "they" forgot to count that.

I'm really glad I have savings

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Harry Potter abortion

So I had a series of dreams last night that involved the Harry Potter universe. It started with a version of me that wasn't very much like me at all at hogwarts and spun out from there. I realized that there was plenty of material there for a roleplaying game. Various schools of magic, teachers, rivals, houses, spells, and an interesting environment to set stories in. I thought about restricted or lost libraries containing powerful lore as well as forgotten rooms of mysterious purpose. Throw in Dark wizards, evil plots, the forbidden forest, the nearby town, wand creation and augmentation, classes and exams.

Then the whole thing was ruined. I realized that I would have to put in rules for qudditch.


Wednesday, September 8, 2010

A fine kettle of fish

They have decided not to renew my contract. I am out on my ass at the end of the month. I am pretty sure that I could go back to workstation support and I'm just as sure that if I did I'd be slitting my wrists three months afterward.


Tuesday, August 17, 2010


Now I am scared of cloud computing. just fucking swell. a pint of "it's okay" and another of "don't worry about it" maybe a whole pitcher of "just go back to sleep"

The Terror

I'm scared. Watching how the world in technology is changing, not just quickly but drastically also, if frightening. Run and hide, stand and face it, or fight the giant. There isn't anything that can be done against that.

I think my fear is that if I fight I'll lose because I don't think I'm good enough. I guess my option then is to see if i can keep from losing long enough. I don't even know if I can do that.

Monday, August 9, 2010

The Dream

Out in Amsterdam there is a hostel called the Golden Apple. Every night it is packed floor to ceiling with backpackers from around the world, who listen to a great DJ, eat good food, drink amazing beer, and generally party until they pass out in one another's beds.

The whole house is a riot of sound and color except for the roof. On the roof is a little zen garden; the center piece of a quiet oasis, and in the shade of a tree is a hammock and a little monk who dispenses wisdom distilled from madness.

from bad place

I have had a miasma of horrible thoughts recently. Doubts, worries, and uncertainties that fill my head. Below is a block of them

I am dumb and I feel myself getting dumber. I'm not good enough to be great and since I can't achieve escape velocity then I am doomed to crash. I've lied so much, to myself and others, that I don't know who I am. I don't care about much and I'm concerned that I'm not concerned about that. I'm worried I can't reasonably say that at least I'm good at what I do. I'm just introspective enough to realize i've been making conciliatory statements about myself.

Ug. These thoughts wear me down. I don't want to ignore them but thinking about them scares me.

How does one successful live ones life? What does success mean? What are my needs? What do I want from life? Why am I just now thinking about this? If there is no point to life, if I have no goals, then how can I derive what I should be doing?

I wonder if that's what life ultimately is? The pursuit of self assigned goals. I have a lot to think about.

Monday, July 26, 2010

The crapper, I am in it

These admins are strange. They like light. The don't care for cold. I have no idea what the fuck is up. I'm getting headaches it so bright.

But wait, that's okay, they are going to banish me to storage room so they can give my spot to the fng. See he needs to work with our Citirix admin who he is replacing and there isn't any where else to put him. That means my manager came in here with his head held low and tried to break the news to me gently that I was gonna get moved again.

One the upside once I get rid of all the useless shit in that room I will have a full functioning office where I can keep the lights off in server room esk coolness.

Maybe it won't be so bad.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

All I want

Is an android phone w 200 to 400 text messages a month. I don't need a data plan. I don't need 900 anytime minutes. I don't want to spend 420$ dollars. I'm fine re-upping my contract for another 2 years.

Dance to my tune puppet!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010


Current favorite derogatory diminutive: cockslap. n. A person with so little worth you might rather be hit in the genitals than deal with the individual. e.g. "I'd rather eat a bullet than deal with that ignorant cockslap."

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

?maybe good news?

The boss man told me that I ought to hold off on taking exams for my MCSE. Told me that the new budget is in and that if there is money for a full time employee and it were to be me then The Company would reimburse me for exams that I passed.

It's not like he told me I've got the job but I got him thinking about it and there was some positive body language.

Monday, July 12, 2010

World Equestrian Games and why I need to get the f*** out of this city

They have sold something like 250000 tickets to watch horses do various things at the FEI World Equestrian Games and they are talking about something like 400000 possible people in attendance. Fuck that shit. The tiny little town of Lexington is not made to hold that many people; the streets are too small and are horribly laid out and there simply won't be enough places to park. This little city is gonna explode with tourists and I already know I won't deal well with all these people.

If my contract doesn't get reupped at the end of september that would be horrible but it would mean that I could go on my Fuck IT tour and get away from the nightmare of what is gonna happen.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Poli Sci Project

Write a bill and submit it to the government. The object of the bill is to prove that an average citizen can get a bill passed and to serve as a teaching aide in political science classes. It needs to be written so that passing the bill demonstrates that the citizen is represented in the government; that the governing body has every reason to pass the law and no reason not to. Record every step and every person you need to talk to or work with during the process. No matter the outcome; if the bill gets passed into law or not, compile your notes into a book/blog and distribute.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

An interesting addendum

I was thinking about what I'm going to do if my contract doesn't get extended at the end of September. It makes sense that while I'm employed and making money I ought to invest some in myself and get my MCSE if I can find some place that won't charge too much. No matter what my employment situation is by the end of September the MCSE will be good for me.

This is not what I wanted to talk about though.

Since I am being a good boy fiscally and might end up doing something positive in my career I was think about my "Fuck-IT" tour. If I don't get my contracted extended at the end of Sept then I'm gonna take my aforementioned big trip before getting back on unemployment. I was looking at the itinerary I was roughly planning and realized that I'm gonna travel almost all of I-10; from one side of the country to (nearly) the other. I think that I might have to finish up driving I-10 as part of journey just to say I have done it. The trip is already 6000 miles; what's a few more.

Also, in writing this I've realized that the name of the tour is kinda funny. It's a cross between Fuck it and Fuck I.T. It expresses my disgruntlement with how unstable my profession is. Maybe I ought to make a poster or shirt.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Paranoia Tag

You need a hazmat suit, a gas mask and a camera disguised as a Geiger counter. Go downtown and start taking pictures of everything. 1 point for every concerned look captured on film. 3 points if you can get someone to run. Add up all points and post your time stamped photos to flicker for proof.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

The Cosmic Teapot

Bertrand Russell wrote some time ago:
If I were to suggest that between the Earth and Mars there is a china teapot revolving about the sun in an elliptical orbit, nobody would be able to disprove my assertion provided I were careful to add that the teapot is too small to be revealed even by our most powerful telescopes. But if I were to go on to say that, since my assertion cannot be disproved, it is an intolerable presumption on the part of human reason to doubt it, I should rightly be thought to be talking nonsense. If, however, the existence of such a teapot were affirmed in ancient books, taught as the sacred truth every Sunday, and instilled into the minds of children at school, hesitation to believe in its existence would become a mark of eccentricity and entitle the doubter to the attentions of the psychiatrist in an enlightened age or of the Inquisitor in an earlier time.

I'm not saying that there is no God. I'm just saying that I have no proof of the existence of God and refuse to believe God exists until I do.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Make the world a better place one laugh at a time


I first watched this years ago. It made me laugh and feel good. Prompted by nothing some time later I found myself roaming the halls of my work place and laughing to the point of tears for no reason; the looks on the faces of random people in the halls was enough to keep the laughter going.

I found the video again recently, watched it and laughed again. A little kicking around in Google found medical papers that say that laughter lowers stress and blood pressure and boosts your immune system. There is a yoga practice based around laughing and breathing.

From laughter comes joy, from joy comes peace, from peace comes love. Does it matter where the laughter came from?

With this in mind I walked around my new place of work, looked people full in the face and smiled. Everyone smiled back. I started laughing as I walked and people would smile when they saw that.

Smile a while for when you smile another smiles and then there are miles and miles of smiles because you smiled.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Karate Kid and A-Team

Watched both movies this weekend.

A-Team is a pretty solid summer action flick. I don't feel that they abused my childhood which I think might be the highest praise I can lay upon a movie that takes something from my young and brings it into this century.

Karate kid was very well done. Almost all the elements from the Original are here and are masterful put together. Personally I feel that the acting was very well done. Jackie Chan shows that he has a great depth of acting range which is nothing less than I would expect from an actor of his caliber. The surprise is that Jaden Smith can act also. True he is portraying a kid which shouldn't be a stretch for him but he is actually able to cry on command when his mentor and friend reveals his pain. Excellent acting combined with the amazing filming location made a great movie. It was kind of a shot gun tourism ad for china; Great Wall, Olympic village, Wudang, the Forbidden City, Beijing; amazing shots you can't get anywhere else. I only have a couple of questions for this movie. What happened to the kid from the early part of the movie; the blonde white kid? He just sorta up and vanished from the plot early on and never came back. The other thing I missed was an element from the original that didn't make it to this version. At the end of the original Mr Miagi and the Instructor from the rival martial artist fight. It was an awesome scene that I was looking forward to in this movie. They just didn't do it. They skipped it sorta. The other masters students all bowed and showed respect to little dre and the evil master looked on shocked that they did so. Then Mr Han and his pupil walk of in to a freeze frame. You have Jackie Chan on the pay-roll and you don't give him an opportunity to kick the butt of the guy you've expertly set up as his evil counter-part? really? I realize that it might not have been necessary in this rather long movie to have that scene play out but I still felt jipped. Over all a good movie that showed respect to its original and kicked it's butt at the same time.

Friday, June 11, 2010


I really don't like any political party because I don't feel that my interests are protected by them. I don't care who is in charge because no matter who has the reins they seem to care about my opinion and they won't care if I express it ( I have sent many many letters to my congressmen and representatives only to be ignored). I recognize that while our government is far from good it is still much much better than anywhere else but that realization doesn't fix any issues. I do not feel that I am in charge of my life, free, so long as there is an authority out there that will pay people to beat me up if i don't do what they say.

That having been said I don't feel that I could or would want to live completely apart from everyone and everything. I like the internet. I like my friends. I like city water, sewage, and power. I like movies and books. I want some things that I can't make. I want the things I need to make the things I can make. I should pay for the things that I want, need, and use ultimately by my own effort. If I have a job and earn money I should be able to accomplish what I want.

I think my issue is that I am disgruntled by my perceptions of how much money I am being forced to pay versus my perception of the benefit I receive.

Sunday, May 23, 2010


Will and Jamie are moving to Louisiana and Alex is moving into his family's place. I am moving back into my old apartment into my old room with Nathan Raider. I'm have reservations about that but here I am.

the weird world of employment

April 30th: I got shot down for my old workstation support position. It was later revealed that my old team lead was the only person that didn't want me back. It was horribly depressing. Silver lining he has had to explain to his Boss why he didn't hire the person she wanted for the job. I also got told of a job at The Company Hospital that my contracting agency wanted to put me up for.

May 3rd: My contracting agency called me up and told me that The Company wanted to talk to me and could I do an interview tuesday the 3rd. I accepted a 9am interview.

May 4rd: I had the interview and felt that I did poorly on the technical aspect but that I turn it around in the social part. I didn't feel that I was going to get the job

May 5th: My contracting agency let me know that there was another job on the horizon and that it might not be necessary because the team lead at The Company liked me and was trying to convince his manager to hire me.

May 6th: I was offered the job at The Company.

May 7th: Off to zombieville to sign paperwork to get the job.

May 10th-11th get tested to prove I have all my shots.

May 12th First day of work

May 19th first direct deposit hit my bank account Woo Hoo!

May 23rd realize that I haven't updated my journal about all this shit.

I've been a real wreck. Socially and Psychologically it has been grueling. I don't want to work but I don't want to be unemployed. I'm settling into work and am getting things done. The fun thing is that the job is a contract gig and the contract is up at the end of June! I might not have a job after that which is scary. They can reup me and that is my hope. We'll see what happens

Friday, April 2, 2010

The interview at was unimpressive. The people who interviewed me had no plan, no prepared questions and while they definitely need someone to do the job (three separate positions) they didn't give any indication that they thought I was the "Rock Star" they were looking for. It is currently ranks in my personal realms of likelihood right up there with other "don't bother worrying about as it may never happen" items. Best of all it is probably the best that I am going to get in Lexington.

In conclusion if they get their shit together, have me in for a second interview, hire me, I get the "honor" of working my tits off for the sweat shop of the IT world in a tiny little poedunk shit hole.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

What eating me is not eating

If I buy groceries I want to eat those groceries. If I'm sharing groceries I want to get out what I put in. I am not in either of those places and it upsets me. Given the rest of the things that are going on in my life small issues like these tend to blow up.


Monday, March 15, 2010

What we eat and what's eating us

A number of people say that the method by which we gather our food and ingredients is nearly criminal; not just on a humanitarian scale but ecologically and sustainability scale as well. That we are poisoning the land, the water, and ourselves. I am told that if things continue in this fashion that we, as a race, are doomed to starvation.


We deserve it. Our greed and ignorance should be our downfall. I can take responsibility for my actions and can change them but I can't change the actions of the human race as a whole. If I can't change their actions then I can't be responsible for them. So it's kinda hard to care even if it means I'm gonna starve to death. I can eat a bullet before that happens.

Things are gonna be interesting.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

A failing of blogger

I can't make a public blog with private postings. I want to write stuff down so that I can remember it without letting other people see it. I'll submit this as feed back.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

No New Job

I didn't get the job on 4th st. Oh well.

Got some response from a rinky dink organization here near Lexington that would be work. Maybe if the environment is good enough it'll make me forget that it would be a 19 thousand dollar pay cut from what I had been making.

I also got contacted by some fly by night in Des Moines for a cool job for great money. It is in Des Moines. Iowa. I think i'd need an extra 20 dollars an hour just to work there.

Friday, February 12, 2010

New job maybe

I had an interview yesterday that went well. Not stellar and I don't like how much they thanked me for going out that way cause it make me think they aren't gonna give me the job but the rest of the interview went well.

I'd be working at the corner of W Muhammad Ali Blvd and S 4th St. about two blocks away from the City Hall of Zombieville. That also means that I am working right next to the major downtown entertainment drag. That also means that I leave all my friends and family in trade of lonely life of making money with strangers.

But that was gonna happen anyway. I need to get over that.

Positive upsides. I can feel my sap rising. There is some serious crazy about to happen. I hope it is fun crazy and not shoot myself in the head crazy. Here's to chaos.

Oficially downloaded

I've moved over from my old site cause it was ridiculously haxed and unlikely to be fixed. Everything from the old site has been reposted here.

Thanks to the following website for the leg up.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Shaking with Rage

South Carolina has passed a law requiring subversives to register themselves. Kansas has pass a drug tax stamp laws (as has Alabama, Connecticut, Georgia, Idaho, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Nebraska, Nevada, North Carolina, Oklahoma, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas and Utah). The thing about all of these laws is that they require the person to expose themselves to a "real and appreciable" risk of self-incrimination. Back in 1969 Leary v The United States showed that the Marihuana Tax Act was unconstitutional because it violated the 5th amendment.

I'm not sure that there is anything better that anyone could do with their time than to find laws like these, get arrested for them, and then prove that they need to be removed.

Also I think that making laws like these is eroding the meaning of the Constitution, thus subverting the American Government, and there for I think all the people who wrote these laws are subversives.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

100 Gallons of beer on the wall.

There is no Kentucky law superseding the federal statute stating that an individual is allowed to produce, without taxation, up to 100 gallons of beer a year.

100 gallons = 12800 ounces = 1066.667 12oz. Beers = 20.51282 12oz. beers a week.

So I am allowed to make 20ish beers a week. This is funny to me cause I usually go through about 10 to 16 beers a week. For more fun if you have more than one adult in the house you can make 200 gallons. There is no mention if that extra beer is for them. : )

Thursday, January 28, 2010


"They thought that you were perfect from a technical aspect but they thought you were too laid back."

What the fuck does that mean? Are they fucking idiots? What kinda bullshit, fucked up, piece of crap reasoning is that? God damn it!

It fucking sucks when someone tells you you aren't qualified for a job but to be told that they think that you can do it but that you weren't peppy enough is a dump truck full of bullshit.


Sunday, January 24, 2010

Scary scary

There is a job op at in shepherdsville ky about 15 miles outside of zombieville. If I get it I leave everything I've grown accustom to and everyone I like behind for a job I don't really care about.

On the uptick I will have a job and something to do and new people to meet in a city that might actually be worth a damn.


I'm nervous. I don't know if this is the right choice but I know I have to do something. The trouble is that I don't really want to do anything.

Saturday, January 9, 2010


I'm a sicky. I got over my cough only to catch a flu. Sore throat and stuffed up head. blarg.

I got an email from a TEK recruiter in Florida to do windows admin work for reasonable money at the Kennedy Space Center. If I get this I am gone. I am excited, giddy, a little sad and freaked out.

No matter where you go there you are.