Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Ode to the Morons

Kentucky got hit by a pretty good ice storm tuesday and wednesday. Not as impressive as the big ice storm in 2003 but still a good amount of ice and snow. The biggest downside for me is the effect on my blood pressure as I watch my fellow Lexingtonians showcase their near total ignorance of how to operate their vehicles in these conditions.

Please read the following.

Ice reduces the frictional coefficient of the road and to a lesser degree your tires. This means that you aren't able to stop as quickly or turn as sharply without sliding. It also means that you can't start moving forward as quickly. With the exception of being parked, that means that snow and ice effect everything you do in your car. The speed at which you drive your car changes the amount of force your car has that must be resisted by friction in order to start, stop or turn. Furthermore, trees in your area, I'm sure you've noticed, get weighed down with ice and snow and can break so parking near trees in these conditions could result in your vehicle getting damaged by falling branches.

All of this means the following:
1. Don't cut people off or pull out in front of people. They won't be able to react as quickly and might run into you.

2. Leave a lot of room between you and everyone else on the road, in front, in behind, AND to the side, so that you have time to slowly react to problems

3. Don't turn or break suddenly. You might lose traction all together.

4. Hills are especially dangerous. As you go up or down a hill you actually lose more friction than of level icy roads. You should avoid hills if possible.

5. Stopping on icy hills is very difficult. If you live on a hill that has become icy, park at the bottom of the hill and walk up.

If the above didn't make sense at any point or you have no intention of heeding these warnings you are an idiot and shouldn't be out driving. DO YOU HEAR ME YOU SLACK JAWED, CUM GARGLING, JUNK SLUT? YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOT! YOU ARE AN IGNORANT WORTHLESS ASSHOLE AND I HOPE YOU DIE SLOWLY! LEARN TO DRIVE YOUR GOD DAMN CARS OR, BETTER YET, DON'T DRIVE THEM AT ALL!


Monday, January 26, 2009

Good mumbo jumbo

You don't have to have a reason to be happy. : )

Thursday, January 22, 2009

round two

look at the time
I have to rhyme
Just so you'll let me go
I hate your face
I'm out of this place
you stupid dumb ignorant ho

Non Sequitur Bingo

A group of people gather for the discordian game of Non Sequitur Bingo. "But how do we play" they cry. Determine order of play by your favorite method; flip a coin, roll a die, paper-rock-scissors, steal cage match, whatever. The first person says three words that have nothing to do with each other but evoke a strange/humorous mental image (example: Orbiting Whale Pump). These three words form the categories for this round. The next person tries to come up with three words that fit each category in order but that still don't relate to each other. No word can be repeated (no one in this round can use "Whale" from the previous example). A word fits a category by general agreement (Circling might fit in the category of Orbiting). This passes from one player to the next until there aren't any more good word combos, people get bored, or you're out of beer.

Discordian poem combat

5 lines, two stanzas, 2nd and 5th lines rhyme. So very much like a lymric.

If I existed between 7 and 9
I'd be 2 to the 3rd

It would be great
If I was an 8
instead of half of a turd

or less emo

If you existed between 7 and 9
you'd be 2 to the 3rd

It would be great
If you were an 8
Instead of half of a turd

I dare you to use that last one the next time a really unattractive person hits on you at a bar.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Another good line

If I go for a stroll am I a stroller

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Good Line

Love is the most beautiful death a man can suffer

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

"Tom, don't you think that's going to far?"

"The only way to get where you are going is by going all the way"

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Ecclesiastic muscles have been flexed

Monday night (11:30, 1/5) I married Austin Parker to his spiral staircase; Dorra Gene. Quick greating, statement of intent, a bible verse, exchanging of vows and rings, annoinment of couple with booze, pronouncement and done with a best man and a maid of architecture. I'm horrible.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Good news and bad news

Hail Eris, full of grace. Caffeination takes her place.

Hail Eris, full of grace. Likes to sit down on my face.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Here we go again

One more run around the sun here on spaceship earth.

I want to make a rhyme out of that.  It has a good flow but the only way it leads me is depressive and emo and I just don't feel that bad.  I see a bunch of stuff I think is horrible; close minded, repetitive,  unthinking, terroristic, overly-aggressive and uncreative things, but at the same time I can sense an intangible force building to dissipate what I will, for lack of a better term, call evil.

I'm concerned but hopeful.  I'm not certin if that is because I see a way through or becuase I don't want things to turn into a nightmare.

I guess that I need to start bending my will toward this project. It is a new year in a new apartment and time for Shrine creation.

Let things not suck.