Thursday, January 25, 2007
My name is Tom. I am known by other names; Elmo, Zombie, Loki, The Bandersnatch, ect. I am also known as The Drunken Master of Speed. I can drink a pint glass of beer in less than six seconds. I can, in very short order, down many beers and go from sober to pleasantly drunk and do so on certain occasions. I am full of drinking stories from all over the place; from this country and others. Residing in my head are secret drink concoctions that are enjoyed by many and are sought after. People see what I do and they want to do it also and I help them.
They never realize that what I am doing is cramming large amounts of poison into my body. They think what I do is cool and not an act of self destruction. They can't do what I can and that makes them want to. They really want to learn to do to themselves what I do.
So what do I do? I have them become my apprentice if they come to me. They have to practice slamming booze into themselves. They have to work at it. After they've done that long enough they are allowed to challenge me and become part of the House of Speed. Just before I let them in though I look them in the eye and I ask them why they want to kill themselves with booze. Why they hate their bodies and why they want to die that much sooner.
They have to realize that this choice is one that isn't going to lead to happiness but a shorter lifespan. That if it gets on top of them, as it can very easily do, they will lose everything else and won't care that parts of their body are dying. Then I ask them if they still want to do this.
I think this gives them an opportunity to act wild and crazy in a sudo controlled environment and see first hand what all of it means. Hopefully they will see what too much is without getting alcohol poisoning. Maybe they can find out what responsible drinking is and know their limit without being t-totalers.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
I am not being allowed to advance in my chosen career because of politics and bureaucracy. Not because there isn't a position. Not because there is someone better. Not because I'm not qualified. Not because someone doesn't want to hire me specifically. I'm not getting something that would be better for me and my company because of politics and bureaucracy.
I am upset.
May Eris curse their thumbs, cuss their thumbs, and crust their thumbs.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Do you understand what they are? I saw one of these machines at my work and it looked sleak and cool so i wanted to know more about it. I wrote the name of the device on my hand and, when I found a moment, looked it up. It's a coffee maker; you probably got that, but I can't tell why it's special. I thought it was an espresso maker, but nothing on the website leads me to believe that's true. I think it is just a coffee maker that instead of the normal drip method uses sub boiling water and a mild pressure. Okay so that does kinda sound like a espresso maker but the lack of high pressure still makes it coffee.
The thing that gets me is the base model of the maker is 70$! 70$ for a freaking coffee machine. So I thought to myself wow that is really expensive for a personal coffee machine; heck I've got a one cup maker that cost between 10$ and 15$. 70$ for a coffee maker that doesn't give me a blow job with my cup of coffee is so expensive that I'm surprised they sell and I wonder about the mental state of a person willing to pay that much for same.
The next bit is the "coffee pods". Thats the nice way of saying "coffee
grounds in a flat circular tea bag". There is every flavor in the rainbow. Every weird concoction you could possibly find at your local Four Bucks coffee chain. I looked at the price for those expecting that I might find a savings that would justify this non-blowjob giving 70$ coffee machine. If you figure the number of "pods" per bag for the price plus shipping and handeling you are still talking about 2$ for a cup of coffee. Madness! I looked at the cheap stuff; you know, basic black coffee flavored coffee, and that is still about 1.20$ + shipping and handeling.
What the crap is this. It's coffee. That's all it is. It is a staple. Why are their people who are willing to pay that much for coffee? I just don't get it.