Thursday, December 18, 2008

Yes I'm going to talk about it again.

So exactly when did I sign anything that said I consented to be governed by anyone.  It couldn't have been during the first 17 years of my life as this government would not accept my word as legal until I was 18.  It must have been then; when I turned 18, that the government failed to inform me that they inferred my not leaving this country as a legally binding contract that I would follow all their bullshit rules.  I won't waist time saying they can't do that. Of course they can do that.  They have a lot of guns and are willing to assault, kidnap and extort money out of me for as long as they like if I don't do as they say and the only thing I can do about it given the overwhelming odds is shut up or get beaten, kidnapped,  and thieved from.

I have never been the only authority that governed over me.  When I was small I governed over by my parents, teachers, and city, state and federal governments (yes I'm amused that there were 5 authorities). When I went to college I was governed by the University and by local, state and federal governments.  Now I am governed by my company, local, state, and federal governments.

I have never been the only authority to govern myself. How different am I then when I was a small child?  How has the source of the authority I'm governed by changed since I became an adult?

Is there no option but to take on the authorities while chanting Non Servium? Would leaving this country really help?

Monday, December 8, 2008

... And the world lets out a sigh of relief.

My best friend is no longer having his wedding in Vegas thanks to the Depression.  Truth be told I'm relieved.  The prospect of throwing a bachlor party in vegas was concerning me.  I had already started saving to make sure that I could get everyone to all the places I wanted to go. It looked really expensive but I was determined to do it right. Now I'm not looking down the barrel of a major expendature which is cool.  Not that I wouldn't have gladdly done it; this is my best friend I'm talking about here, but I'm also glad I don't have to also.

Furthermore I would also feel like drinking a lot if I were in Vegas; it brings it out of me.  I have a tendency to behave poorly, do very unhealthy things, and thrash myself. I'm getting to old for that any more. I'm cresting 30 and my body doesn't like getting rediculously drunk any more. I get hangovers; headaches, mild stomach problem, and mud butt; all things that I never got even 5 years ago. It sorta bums me out. I used to be able to stay out all night, drink like a fish, function like a sober person, and get up the next day like nothing happened and do it all again that night. Now I have to drink a bunch of water, wash down some asprin, and eat certain comfort foods to function. It's not all bad.  Not drinking is cheaper, I feel better, and I can sorta accept that part of my life as over.

Strangely I am entering a sorta monastic period. Go to work, come home to a quiet and contemplative dinner, maybe go out to visit with friends or stay home and meditate/exercise/stretch. It's peaceful. It makes me content. It also keeps me out of trouble and saves money.

Who knows which way the world is rowing.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Figure out what that means

When in trouble
when in doubt
run in circles
scream and shout

shake your fist
stomp your feet
blindly charge
then quick retreat

don't think hard
don't think long
snap decisions
are never wrong

you're always right
'cause you commit
even when you
should have quit

Thursday, November 27, 2008

1:29 AM

Went to bed at 11pm something, got up at 10:30am something, and had a nap at 3ish after stuffing myself stupid on Turkey day. Now for some reason i'm not tired. It's cool I have a couple days off but my sleep schedule is screwed. Ain't nothing nothing and I won't know who I am for a couple days. The beast of a thousand centuries of darkenss will be loosed and shall giggle at people inappropriately. Crank the maddness engine up to eleven boys and girls it's time for the fun ride to crazy town.

My commandment to you: follow strangers around saying spooky

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Congradulations to the Discordians of HARWICH, Mass.


Congrads Discordian nut jobs of the aformentioned area.  That is one hell of a Jake.   A bit pricey though.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Why do I need to meet the same person more than once.

So I was thinking about groups of people and how some sub groups share so many similarities that the people associated with that group seem to be nearly the same person. Some of these sub groups are very large if you remove outside appearance as a distinguishing characteristic. If you can that is. It seems reasonable that how a person decorates themselves on the outside is a representation of their personality. Hmmmm If the person puts little thought into how they dress themselves or doesn't dress themselves with any form of expression what does that mean?

Monday, November 10, 2008

With applogise to The Plain White Tees and Eben Brooks

Sung to "Hey There Delilah" by the Plain White T's
written By Eben Brooks
modded by me to fit better I think.

Hey there Chthulhu down there in your sunken city
You're a billion light-years distant and the stars they look so pretty
From R'lyeh
So close and yet so far away. Ia Iay.

Chthulhu fuh-TAH-gun, or is that Chthulhu fuh-TINE?
I can never quite remember 'cause I'm not in my right minds
Since I met you
No one corrupts the way you do. You know it's true

Oh, it's what you'll do to me
Oh, and all humanity
Oh, you'll rise up from the sea
Oh, kill everyone slowly
Except the ones like me

Hey there Chthulhu, I've been studying your gospel
The Necronomicon, it gives me nightmares something awful
Where I see
The death of all reality. It fills me with glee

So when the stars are right, you'll come and do your worst
But that's okay because I know you'll eat the cultists like me first
When you get here
I know that day is drawing near. I have no fear

Oh, it's what you'll do to me
Oh, and all humanity
Oh, you'll rise up from the sea
Oh, kill everyone slowly

A billion light-years seems so far
Below the sea, beyond the stars
Of these putrid human souls you'll drink your fill
The fools will all make fun of me
But I'll just laugh maniacally
'Cause no one's ever suffered like they will
Chthulhu, I can promise you
That by the time this cult gets through
The world will never ever be the same!
Praise your dark name!

Phn'glui mglw'nafh Chthulhu R'lyeh wagn'nagl fhtagn
Boy, that's really quite a mouthful, can't quite cram it in my noggin
Not today
I try to say it anyway
I feel my soul being to fray
Still I await that frabjous day
Chthulhu calay!

Oh, it's what you'll do to me
Oh, and all humanity
Oh, you'll rise up from the sea
Oh, kill everyone slowly
Except the ones like me
Oh, kill everyone but me
Everyone but me

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Election Day

Well it has come to pass. It is election day. I decided to not vote my conscious in favor of the lesser of two evils method of voting. I feel regret about that but I can't quite say why. I guess I'm disappointed that there is very little chance that I'll ever get to vote for someone that I want to win who will have a good chance of winning.

Here's hoping that the New Crew will be able to magic some economic head way.

The Saga of the Moving Zombie

I moved to a new place; an apartment in the same apartment complex but 5 buildings down. With Gene's help I moved Grandma Snyder's lion claw table, the couch, and my bed. I moved everything else in three days. Saturday night, when I could have been out with my friends or my not quite girl friend, after 12 hours of moving, sore and tired, I got in my car to go get some toilet paper when I backed out of my spot and ran into someone. The whole weekend sucked but I accomplished quite a lot. I got a lot of exercise and have lost 5 pounds. I'm in a clean and wonderful apartment and just need to unpack, organize, and toss out the useless junk.

I moved down 5 buildings to 2311. Hail Eris.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

I've re-un-quit

So first I quit.  Then they talked me down and I un-quit.  Then things went really shitty and I re-quit. Now we got my replacement in and she got scared off after one day and they really want me to stay.  This morning I re-un-quit.

Nothing I do is normal.  I can't even quit a job like a normal person.

Hail Eris; Out in space
Punching Assholes in the Face.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Fuck damnit!

One day!  One fucking day!  I've scared the crap out of my new windows admin in one ape mascerating day. She has already talked to the contracting liaison about not working here any more and she seems to have made up her mind to get out so quick that she doesn't want to even be here tomorrow.

I am going to catch so much hell from all sides.

I don't know what the heck is going to happen.  I am probably going to be in my windows admin role for a while longer and my future boss might have to fill the position.  We might not be able to get some one else fast.  The was one other candidate but my boss wasn't to stoked about that guy.

Oh well.  We'll see what happens.  I hope this doesn't suck too much.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Two Months give or take forever

I re-quit two months ago.  I've had enough time to reconsider my desciosion, help pick a new person to replace me, get that person hired, tell the old boss I didn't really want to quit any more and go back on my promise to myself that I wouldn't miss the money. Technically we hired her three weeks ago and the background check people took this long to get her cleared and her paper work arranged.

I'm going to get my new chair for about a week and then I'm going to lose it in favor of one of the old crap 1970's chairs. I think I'm going to be able to keep my flat panel and computer. I'm disappointed and relieved at the same time.  Does that make sense to you?

I just want to quit thinking for a few months, hang out with my not-yet girlfriend, and relax.

I need a hug and for a bunch of people to tell me everything is going to be all right and some sex. Not necessarily in that order.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

What is normal?

"Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it."
-- Ellen Goodman (1941 - )

Normal is doing what other people tell you to to get things that other people tell you you want. Normal is making sure the things you've been told you want are better than the things your social groups have. Normal is trying to get a better paying job even if you don't like it. Normal is never being happy where you are and believeing that happiness comes from aquiring new things. Normal is doing what you are expected to do. Normal is following the rules.

Why does anyone want to be normal? The only reason that I can see, immmediately, is that if you aren't normal there are people who get upset and try to make you normal; Which can be boring, painful or terminal.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Uncertinty in an uncertain time

The economy is collapsing.  I'm taking a pay cut to go back to an old job.  There's no telling where we're going. Or which way the rower's rowing. I'm burnt out and want a nap.

Here's a theory; I'm a chaos engine. All the crazy stuff that happens in the world and my life comes from me.  When things are extra strange and scary, I get tired from all the energy I unconsciously expend.  Vise versa when things are more normal.

What does it mean when I laugh at the financial situation we are in? Why do I smile and laugh more the more I hear the economist nash and cry? How sick am I in the head or am I sick at all?

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Hail Eris that Bitch!

She does love her little jokes.  Occationally she likes to scare you until your asshole clenches so hard that you can fart a note that can only be heard by dogs. The important point is they let me go. Remember to make sure your tail lights work.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Too much fun

As I've posted before my best friend is getting married. He has just given me the honor of being his best man and I thank him for it. This does however mean that I have a lot to plan.  I have a speech to write a party to plan, and a wedding to help coordinate.  !! IN LAS VEGAS !! I've gotta come up with an acceptable wedding present. Best yet he is a fellow Discordian so this is just going to be one massive trip.

A pair of Discordian nut jobs and associated friends are going to meet up in a surreal and maddening place to celebrate a ritual. I can't imagine what all is going to happen.  We'll have to find out.

I promise to come up with all sorts of crazy plans and to not be disappointed when you tell me no. :)

Friday, September 19, 2008

Koan Time with Uncle Bandersnatch

CAUTION! Your local police are considered armed and extreamly dangerous! Do not approach!

We must lose our minds to come to our senses.

"The map is not the territory." -R.A.W.

"What map? What are you talking about you serene old fruitcake. Just cause you're old and happy doesn't mean you don't have to make sense anymore." -Me

Might doesn't make right, but it does make authority like no bodies business.

The new baby

I got all the parts on wednesday for my new computer.  Everything worked first time out of the box.  I had the machine put together and OSed in 3 hours.  It is good and I'm proud that i slapped the whole thing together so quickly.  Downside is that I then had to leave for PA so it is just sitting at the apartment doing nothing.  I also need to get an HDMI cable for it. Best Buy is cool with selling me one but they want 50 freakin dollars which is outrageous. It can't actually address all the memory. : )

I want to get back to it and really break it in.  It also needs a name.  I was thinking Elderbeast.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Being right is not always the greatest thing ever

Grandpa Snyder died last night about 12:30ish.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Grandpa Snyder

My Grandfather is getting close to dying.  It's sad.  It's also good.  He's been sick for a while and when grandmother Snyder died it took a lot out of him.  He has been ready to go for a long time. So I'm glad for him and sad that he is on his way out.

Death is a part of life, fearing death is pointless, but you can miss your friends and family.

I wonder if the old lie told to kids doesn't hold a good philosphy.  When people get old they leave to a far away place that we can believe is really nice and one day we can go visit them.

I'm a little old for this

I am putting my first computer together from scratch.  Bought the mobo, processor, and everything. Everything ought to get here next week.  I hope that everything arrives okay and that it all works.  I did a couple days of research and modification to make sure that I got everything I want and that it should all work together. I coughed up the money and all the parts are on their way.  All I have to do now is wait.

I made the comparison that it's like waiting for a kid to be born.  I'm excited, anxious, and impatient. I'm uncertain if everything is gonna turn out all right.  This could be totally awesome or an expensive mistake.

I've spent a bunch of money but far less than I would have had I bought the same type of a computer from a store. Given that my roommate is leaving and taking his tv with him I got a hdtv/monitor.  And given that I'm gonna lose my laptop when i move to the new postion I'm in need of a new awesome machine.

I'll still be out a laptop which sucks but maybe I can get a cheap one. maybe one of those triple e pc's.

I'm concerned the parts won't work when they get here and I'll have to work hard to get the parts I need and then find out they don't work together and am gonna have to send it back and have nothing.

I'm excited to pass this rite in computer dorkery. It's kinda suprising that I got to 30 with 12 years of tech experience and I haven't tried this already. I mean I've done similar things before but I've never bought a case, mobo, processor, power supply or similar.  I've taken multiple Dells, weeded out the bad parts and put together a good computer out of the WLO. This is different. I'm on my own here.

Monday, September 8, 2008

For whom the wedding bells toll, they toll for thee

My good friend Chris is getting married. It feels oddly surreal.  Not that I think him incapable of finding someone for whom he would like to marry or that I don't think he is the marrying type. It's just never occured to me. I think I would have more of an oppinion here if I had ever met this person. I smell a road trip. Prepare for the arrival of the Tom.

Monday, August 25, 2008

I've requit

After the horrible debockle of this weekend I've come to a greater appreciation for how happy I was at my old job and so I have re-quit.   I'll be moving back to Karen's Team.  Karen's okay with it, Walt is okay with it, Kelly is okay with it, Erin is okay with it and I'll be happy again so I'll be okay with it.  I won't even miss the money. Every time I start to miss the money I'll remember the stress I no longer have and the ability to relax that I've regained and everything will be okay.

The moral of this story is that just because people think the bigger job with the more money and increased responsibilities is what you ought to do doesn't mean they are right. Just because they are trapped in a cycle of pointless careerism and are striving to do more doesn't mean I should also. Happiness and personal well being is more important to me than following the societal pressures to do stuff that causes me stress and makes me contemplate killing myself.

Yeah I thought about it in a sort of hap-hazard way. The stress is that bad.  Don't worry.  I'm okay now.  I'm taking care of the problem and will be alright.

Now I will hopefully have enough energy after work to get in better shape.  Maybe start dating again. Daydream. Write. Make Art.

Who Knows. The World is my oyster and I'm starting to get hungry again.

Friday, August 15, 2008

I've un-quit

My Boss talked me down off the ledge.  He's going to let me change my job around so I don't go crazy ... er. More insane. On the upside I'm not a quiter and I'll keep getting the awesome money and I get to rework my job so I feel better. I'm taking the weekend off and jetting to Indy for GenCon.

Hail Eris

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Thats all I can take

Well I sorta quit today.

I called up my old boss and asked if she had a job opening. She did and told me to talk to my current boss and see if it was cool if I changed jobs. I talked to my current boss and told him I'm fried and that my old boss had a job opening. He told me that he'll need to work out some sort of deal with the old boss for support coverage but that he knew I'd been struggling to keep it together. He told me he hated to see me go and thanked me for my work. It is pretty much a sure thing that I'll get a job with my old boss.

The pay loss is gonna be pretty bad. I also feel kinda crappy about not being able to cope but I think I was being asked to work to hard; not only for the pay but just personally.

However I'll only be doing 1 job for the money instead of 5. If you look at it by percentage then this is awesome. Mostly the reason I'm doing this is that I won't have the stress or the demand. 40 hours, 8 to 5 and not a bit more. The money is great for the job and the work is very easy. I'm depressed but i'll get over that and the first month of good sleep and I'll be great.

Hail Eris

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

London bridge isn't the only thing falling down

The housing market was in a slump until recently when the biggest mortgage financiers reported recorded losses and the market when from a slump to a flaming shit spiral. Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae; yes that is the name of the two largest governmentally backed mortgage companies, are actually worth negative money.  That means that if you sold everything they own off and fired everyone you'd still owe their creditors 5.8 billion dollars.

This along with the energy fucking nightmare ( crisis not being sufficient) suggests that the US is facing not just troubled times but a depression so massive that the the Great One we had 80 years ago will seem reasonable.

Greed and corruption plus short sighted good intentions and incompetent fumble fingered leadership is going to jettison our grand country into 3rd world status ripe for take over. Buy guns, ammo, and food folks.  We are in for a heck of a ride. Especially if a majority of Americans don't have skills that are independent on technology.

I'm glad I know how to raise and butcher animals.  I need to learn some basic farming.

This would be the entropy side of being a discordian.  The part that involves laughing as the system breaks down. Giggling as the law and order freaks watch the tatters of their civilization shred themselves because of mismanagement and abuse. Playing while everyone who can't change and adapt cries "why me" and doesn't do anything. Smiling a mirthless self-satisfied smile as balance reassert itself.  We are coming to a time when we have to change, adapt and overcome our ignorances and pride.

Hail Eris!

I'm burnt

I am once again burnt out on work.  I just don't have the impetus to get anything but the most trivial of chores done. Right now all I want to do is react to problems instead of working on any projects. ::sigh::

Once I get this major project done I can take a vacation. ... so that I can leave this mess and have it still be here and worse when I get back.  It's like I live in a house with a bunch of other people and they have no responsibility to keep the house clean but I do.  They'll get angry at me if i don't do the dishes while they are busy dirtying dishware.


Saturday, July 12, 2008

Galls has awesome things

I bought a pair of tactical shorts, tactical pants, a good belt, and a paddle holster for my glock. They are all awesome. I can highly recommend Tru-spec clothes. They are well put together and functional. Blackhawk makes an acceptable locking holster for the glock 23. It is funny that it also happens to fit my my airsoft Millenium.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Much love

I have never lived, am living, am not living, will never live, and will eventually live on a strange space ship hurtling through the cosmos that I choose to call earth because strange monsters that look like me call it that also. Everything I perceive is true in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless in some sense, true and false in some sense, false and meaningless in some sense, and true and false and meaningless in some sense. On not. You are, or are not, yourself and only you can decided what that means.

I love you.

A fatass update

Cheap shorts made me think I'm fat.  These damn things have bad button thread.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Well I am offically a fat ass

I bought a new pair of shorts today. Despite being a 38 it still felt a little tighter that I would have expected. I like a dumb ass didn't try them on at the store. I wore them anyway. I got back from dinner and while I was getting out of the car I heard something hit the ground. It was the front button off my new shorts.

I am a disgusting fat body. I have already started dieting.

Friday, July 4, 2008

a whole new you

It has begun. Follow the link. Fill out the form Assassins contract

Thursday, June 19, 2008

I did what now?

On 6/19/2008 I was called by AT&T and told that my number was calling 8595823257 and harassing them.  The person had called and complained and threatened legal action if i didn't stop calling. I looked through my cell phone bill for the past couple months and can't find that number listed.  I have to assume that AT&T or the person or both are wrong about me calling them.

I have not to my knowledge called that number and I have never made a harassing phone call in my life.

Back to step 0

I got their FOAD today.  "The technical interviewers felt you didn't have the depth needed for the position." Oh well.  I guess I'll keep looking at them and at other places.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Step three!

Okay. The face to face interview is over. They flew me down Thursday night of the 12th and the Interview was at 2pm Friday the 13th (a bad sign?). I rolled around Morrisville and looked at Crosstimbers apartments. 875 sq feet for 700$ a month; not bad. The manager interview went awesome. The technical interview went poorly. They asked me a bunch of questions I didn't know the answer too. I tried my best but still don't feel I did well. Hopefully I tech out at 2 and can get the job. Now is the time of the waiting. I hate waiting

Meanwhile Lexmark is still lexmark; kinda crappy with promises of crappier later.

I really hate waiting. It is a never ending waiting and checking for information about something that is very central to your life. It's like waiting to find out if you have cancer.

If they make me an offer I'm gone.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Back to step two?!

>???????? so after I thought I wasn't going to get a job they called me up and told me that they wanted to fly me down there to interview a bunch of people for a bunch of jobs. Don't get me wrong; I'm happy, but confused. The recruiter is a salesman so he can't talk plainly which makes getting straight answers out of him very difficult. I've said screw it. I'm going to go down there and have fun and interview and talk to people and do my thing. My hope is that I'm going to impress someone and get a job. For preference 1st shift but I can cope with 3rd and if I absolutely have to maybe 2nd. I want 55k a year and basic bennies. I'd like relocation but I think i can make due without it.

HooRay? Good Times?

Why am I filled trepidation? This should be a time for joyous celebration. With Bitches! We'll see how it turns out.

Hail Eris!

Monday, June 2, 2008

Back to step one

Well my pessimism was well founded.  I teched out at a 2 instead of a 3 which means that I can't have the tech 3 job.  However there is a tech 2 job open for third shift that I think would be fine.  Down side is that they aren't interested in flying me down there to interview for that position which means that if they want to interview me for that position I'll have to fly down there on my own dime, but that isn't a guarantee that I'll get the job. This is depressing but not unexpected. I still want outta here and now is the time.  I'm having the recruiter talk to the manager to see if we can do a phone screening before I spend a bunch of money to get down there and have them tell me no.  If the manager bites then I'll pay to fly down there and crash on John's couch.

If this fails I'm going back to support here  one way or the other.


Step one and two thrids

I had the tech screening.  I feel I did okay but not great.  The guy (Paul Nelson) said I did good and said that my NetApp experience was a "BIG plus" but I am, as always, full of doubt.  The recruiter sent me an email at 1:30 Friday but I didn't get it until 4:30 and by then he was gone for the day or not answering.

That meant that I waited all weekend not knowing my fate and it fills me with a sense of anxiety and self doubt. Horrible.  Plus I hate waiting for important things; I'm not good at it.

I called the guy this morning but didn't get a response from him until I emailed him at 10:45.  He is going to call me this afternoon. so maybe I'll know in 3 or 4 hours.

God I hope so.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Step one and a third

I have two tech screens most likely meaning that I have two managers fighting over me. I have a screen tonight at 8pm and another at 8am.


My only concern is "teching out" at a high enough level for the job. I have to tech out at the highest level they have cause the jobs they are offering are all 3rd level support. Lets hope I'm awesome enough. I have to guess that they think I can do the job because they want to interview me for it.

I guess the only thing that modulates my enthusiasm is that I doubt my knowledge. I always feel like I don't know enough.

That having been typed I'm still totally pumped and am going to do my best because I sure as heck don't want to get stuck holding the bag at Lexmark

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Step one down

There are three steps. There's a phone pre-screen w/ the tech recruiter. Then a phone screen w/ someone from the team. Then, they fly you down for a Tech interview, and a management interview

I am past step one with flying colors. To quote the guy "I think you'd be a good fit."

Next step is the tech screen with someone from the team. I've been studying their documentation.

I hope this pans out quick.

This place gets about 70k resumes a year. They interview about 1000 people a year. They hire about 200 a year.  Since they are interviewing me I've gone from 350:1 to 5:1.

That is fscking awesome. I am now 70 times more likely to get hired now.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Life is strange

So friday morning (the 23rd I'll have you know) I had decided to give up waiting for NetApp to contact me. It had been a month since they had gotten their new money; when I had expected to get contacted. I was getting down about not getting contacted; like the really good guys didn't want me. So I decided to let it happen when it happened and keep trying to make Lexmark work. No sooner had I resigned myself to the idea and told a friend of mine about it than I got an email from NetApp. They want to have a phone interview with me tuesday or wednesday. If this goes about like the hiring of my former co-workers I can expect a second interview about a week later (if they like me) and then a contract a week to two after that. So maybe three weeks before the contract is dry. I'm gonna need to give my current boss some time; at least two if not three weeks or four. If I give them three, tell NetApp four, we are talking about 7 weeks before I start the new job and 6 weeks before I have to leave Lexington.


If I get signed I'll start gutting my apartment of things I don't need soon after. I'll have about 3 weeks to get rid of the crap I don't need, give away crap other people can use, and pack the rest. I'll have to get a place in NC and then get all my crap there in a week. It'll be a lot of work and my reward will be a strange foreign place that I won't know and will be stuck with for a while.

Also eek.

Have I really become this much of a coward? Is this what happens when you get old? Is my desire for stable and ease made me so hesitant? I really am going to miss my friends. I'm worried I'm going to become one of those old guys at the bar that doesn't have anyone with them and talks to everyone who looks at him. It's like I want to get set in my ways. How is that any way for a discordian to live?

Strangeness abound. Interesting times are a double edge sword that cuts both ways. Hail Eris even if she is a bitch sometimes.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Hard Cider project

This is not a recipe; this is the beginning of a recipe. The hope is to cull info from the web and produce a hard cider; "Hail Eris!" "Wholly Mother" "Golden Apple" or something like that.

5 bags of different apples
10 qt stock pot with a hole in the side at the bottom.
3 qt stock pot
3 qt stock pot lid
blender (bigger volume the better)
2 25 lbs dumb-bells
cheese cloth
apple corer
fermenting bucket
grolsch style bottles
air lock
bottle wand thingy
brewers yeast
big ass tub

Core a crap ton of apples (no stems or seeds). Blend them with the skins on to paste; to let the juice out. Pour the result into cheese cloth and wrap them up so that the apple sauce can't get out. Put them in the 10 qt stock pot. Put the cheese cloth wrapped sauce in the 10 qt stock pot. Put the 3 qt stock pot lid on top of them. Put both 25 lb dumb bells on top of the 3 qt lid. Put the 3 qt stock pot under the hole in the 10 qt stock pot to collect the juice. Congrads you've made a make shift cider press. Put the juice and some water into a sterilized fermenters bucket with a packet of brewer's yeast. Put the lid of the fermenters bucket on with the air lock in. Fermenting ought to really start in 12 hours or so. Put the bucket some where cool and dry. Wait until the bubbles from the air lock slow to a minute between bubbles. That was your primary fermentation. Let it sit so that it can clear. Gently move it to an elevated position so you can siphon it into bottles. Leave head room so that the minimal living yeast don't carbonate further and break the bottle. Leave the bottles alone. Don't drink them yet. Let them sit. I swear. Like a couple weeks so that they can carbonate and mellow. Keep them somewhere dark and in the big ass tub so that if a bottle breaks the cider doesn't get everywhere.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Funny stuff

I do enjoy limericks if they are well formed and sufficiently referential. That is why is so awesome. Have fun.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

An advanced jake

This jake comes in three different Jake levels. The basics are to pervert the automated threat detection system attached to phone taps by calling people and saying a bunch of terrorist buzzwords.

Low Risk:
Call your friends from a various pay phones, never using the same one twice.

Call random people from the phone book from the same pay phone.

Call governmental numbers from the same payphone

Call Homeland security from your cell phone.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

I'm what now?

Google considers me dangerous? My blag can hurt your computer? I would like to think that my website is bad for you brain. Bad for the robot in your head.

I attach the following in order to convince all-mighty google that I am not an evil person.

cliche` ninja

I am sorry that I have abused you by not sharing something I thought up that I think it discordian gold. Take a cliche` and keep the structure of it but change it slightly to point out it's faults. Examples are below.

"When you assume you make an ass out of you and me"

"When you make an assumption you make and ass out of you and umption"

"When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns"

"When laws are outlawed, only outlaws will have laws"

Please add your own.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

How lame

So I'm going to do the lame uncreative thing of finding quotes from the internet and reposting them here. It is done in the spirit of sharing but all it does is create cliches.

Atheists are people who have no invisible means of support
If you can read this, you're in range.
We are sorry, you have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone ninety degrees and try again.
A sucking chest wound is just nature's way of telling you to slow down.
Take thee this thing covered with that stuff and give it unto that guy, that he may do things with it.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Koan Time with the Bandersnatch

Life is surreal, other times it's chocolate cake.

Monday, April 14, 2008

What do you do?

So how do you vote when to don't like any of the candidates? Do you vote for the one that is closest to your views when you know that they are going to do a lot of things that you are going to disagree with? Do you write in your candidate knowing that they have no chance of winning? I can't feel good about blindly voting for the party I'm attached to and voting for who I think will win just to be part of the winning team is ... something bad. Do I have the right to bitch if I did the research, took part of the process, got defeated, and decided not to vote

Screw it.  I'm going to concentrate on them all leaving office as fast as possible by whatever means that is most readily accomplishable.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

beer + beatles = philosophy

I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together. But we aren't all together are we? We, as a people, haven't been together for a very long time if we ever were. I believe it is this fundamental fracture in society that causes friction and upheaval in our world. Worse there is nothing that I know that can bring us all together. If we think of two people as a very simplistic metaphor for the world's culture we can judge humanities ability to come together by looking at the rising divorce rate. Helping to marry people is my effort towards the scientific discovery of some meta-quality in people that can be related to despite language, culture, or geographic location.

Operation Mind-Fuck continues

Monday, March 31, 2008

Well ...

I feel so done. I think my work going to shit has brought on a case of mid-life crisis.  I'm going through the sophomoric philosophical questions and despite them being exceptionally trite I don't have answers.  I'm not really having fun here any more and one of my co-workers has gone right around the bend. There is too much work and too many expectations.  I've got a fair amount of cash stowed away but I loath the nervous feeling of not knowing when new money will come in. ::sigh::

Monday, March 24, 2008

If more than 60% of the people don't even bother to vote then there is no mandate from the people. How much must happen before the apathetic majority stand up and what will happen if they do?

Where did my country go?

Monday, March 17, 2008

Well here's fun

1. The card credit generator numbermerchant services credit card processingcredit card interest rate,prime credit card interest rateach and credit card processingapplication canada card credit onlinebest business credit cardprovidian credit card application,application card credit providiansmall business credit card applicationaccess card credit mbna online,account card credit mbna,mbna credit cardinternet credit card processing,internet credit card processing servicescredit card debt negotiation,card company credit debt negotiation,card credit debt negotiationvisa credit card application statusciti advantage credit card,card citi credit,citi premier credit card3g audio free ringtonesfree polyphonic ringtones usamake ringtones,download it make rain ringtones,i it make rain ringtoneskeypress motorola ringtones24 ringtones theme,24 theme ringtonesnextel i730 ringtones,i730 info nextel remember ringtonescellular free kyocera ringtones us,free us cellular ringtones,free ringtones for us cellular carrierdownload free us cellular ringtones,cellular download free ringtones uscingular free phone ringtonescellular mobile phone ringtones t,phone ringtones tmobile,mobile phone prepaid ringtones tcreator free ringtones softwarefree bollywood polyphonic ringtones,free indian polyphonic ringtones,free polyphonic ringtonescaller download hotlink maxis ringtonescell phone ringtones sprintmotorola tracfone ringtonesfree cricket wireless ringtonesfree info jamster remember ringtones,free jamster ringtones,free ringtones from jamsterarabic free info remember ringtones,free arabic ringtones,free arabic mobile ringtonescingular free ringtonescell mobile phone ringtones virgincheap mobile ringtones virginfree nokia 1100 ringtonesboost free music real ringtones,music ringtones,music ringtones unlimitedreal tone ringtones,real ringtones tone,free real ringtones toneblackberry free mp3 ringtonesfree ringtones for motorola trac phone,free ringtones for motorola phone,free ringtones for motorola prepaid phoneconvert info mp3 remember ringtones,convert mp3 file to ringtones,convert mp3 to ringtonesfree ringtones for verizon prepaid phone,free ringtones for verizon phonesprint pcs vision ringtones,pcs ringtones sprint visioncingular free music ringtonestotally free ringtones for verizon,totally free ringtones for sprint phone,totally free ringtonesinfo lg remember ringtones verizon,verizon lg ringtones,verizon lg vx4400 ringtonesboost free mobile phone ringtones,boost download free mobile ringtones,free boost mobile ringtonesmotorola ringtones w315free real ringtones for verizonmotorola razr ringtones v3nokia tracfone ringtones,1100 nokia ringtones tracfone,nokia ringtones tracfone writing is on the wall; it is time to get the fuck outta Lex-mark.  I have the sinking sensation that my manager is going to retire and I'm mostly certain that one of the last competent people on my team is going to be leaving in the next month or so.  That will force this team to fall under a different manager who I will only refer to as a Totalitarian Asshole, which as, unLuck would have it, would mean I'd be directly working with a bunch of horrible jerks.  It's time to go and in Lexington there aren't any more options really.  North Carolina is looking better and better.

2. I am now a perspective juror. I'll be going into the pool late April. I kinda doubt that a Discordian like me is going to get past the screening process but I think it'd be interesting to see the legal process from that angle. The handbook I found on the web suggests I wear comfortable clothes that are fitting of the serious and dignity of the proceedings; so I'm thinking flip flops, gym shorts, and my Chang Beer tank top. :)

3. I had a third one but it's gone now, so I will replace it with I'm Awesome. Thursday was Jamie's Birthday, Friday was the tux fittings for Stoppers wedding and he took us out, Saturday was Rocky Horror, Sunday was Sara's birthday, today is St. Patrick's Day
and tomorrow out to be the Tuesday game. If I can find a reason to drink Wednesday I'll have drunk every night for a week. I swear I graduated college.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

What do you get when you have a discordian in the military

I'll tell you what you don't get: Brock fuckin' Samson

These are the things that my brain would come up with to keep me from going crazy from the day in day out boring order that I imagine a military life to be. I also see people trying to make me keep a list like this that I am ostensibly to follow.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008


Larstinic targo mu brin bosno fla. Fo sognith ra min prafna ich. So son mornith.

Uuuuh. So tired. unspecific madness fills are every waking moment and people ignore it. I wish I could. I also could really go for a nap. I think I ought to find a conference room and grab some shut eye. Wouldn't be the strangest or most public place I've ever slept before.


Friday, March 7, 2008

an amalgum of crap

I had my yearly performance. I got a 1.5 outta 4 which is damn near perfect. I got a good raise. Work sucks and some part of me really just wants to go back to my old job even if it means losing the new pay.

Ron Paul is out of the race almost nearly officially maybe. How is it that a year ago we had like 20 people running for president and now there are three? How are less choices better?

I think the clowns that did my last tune up didn't do it right. My gas mileage is sucking. that'll be expensive and annoying.

I'm putting on weight so I'm going to the exercise room at the apartment complex but that is a misnomer; I've been like three times and that's hardly going to help. I ought to go more but I'm so damn lazy.

Meh. Hungry.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

There is so much wrong with this country

A Congressional committee has asked federal law enforcement authorities to investigate whether Roger Clemens made false statements under oath about his use of performance-enhancing drugs. So if I understand this right congress is asking the justice department to investigate an alleged perjurer and steroids user; a fucking baseball player, and we still can't get anyone credible to investigate George W Bush to see if he broke the law.

This country is fucked up.

mental images


If you need a hint the H stands for Holy. I don't need to say more but I am coming up with pictures.

Rational Business Practice or Hyper Paranoia

So RAID 5 backed up hourly and daily to other hard drives. Weekly backups to tape and off siteing of those tapes to a underground location that maintains security and environmental conditions. Spreading your data storage devices to other buildings so that fire/earthquake/tornado/ect. has less of a chance to take your data. 24 hour by 7 days a week hardware, software and network support to make sure that if anything fails it can be replaced quickly while a redundant process takes over.

And these fuckers want more protection?! What the fucking crap! Calm the hell down you paranoid bastard sons of bitches!

Seriously. Some corporate god up on high decided that we need to consolidate the practical outcome of which is that I have some new customers that I didn't pick nor approve of and am not allowed to get rid of. They want a primary and secondary person that they can get hold of at any time and a rigid overly redundant system of responsibilities so that if anything goes wrong they can know exactly who to blame. The biggest problem I have with this, besides the ass-hattery of their blame game, is that we don't have a 24x7 system and I don't feel we ought to put one in place just for a bunch of back-stabbing jerks that were forced on us.

Monday, February 18, 2008

I am a Greater Unslept

So very tired. Worked 6 hours on a freakin sunday. Didn't get to sleep till 1ish. In need of a nap.

Come in this morning and am running fast till lunch. Whats up with that? Look let me lay out the schedule for yous guys so's you know the deal. Below is work time that I'm willing to share with people.

Sunday NO!
Monday 10am-11:30, 1:30-4
Tuesday-Thursday 9:00-11:30, 1:30-4
Friday 9:00-11:30, 1:30-3
Saturday NO!

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Sure, why not.

Equal Rights for Topless Women

There are some people out there that need to keep their shirt on and there are some I don't care if they have a shirt on or not. Regardless of gender if you are 400 pounds or more I don't want to see you with your shirt off. I don't really care if a guy wants to be shirtless and, while it would probably surprise me to see one in this country, a topless woman is no big deal either.

I think this country is entirely too prudish. I don't think this level of repression is healthy. If nudity were common place it wouldn't be a big deal.

Besides, given what constitutes a legal bikini size I really don't see what the problem is. There are women out there with bikinis that you could fit in one of those plastic easter eggs.  If you have to shave your "bathing suit area" so that people don't see pubic hair they why bother at all.

Incompetent Tits!

The Twit that works for us as work station support, who claims he was a Domain Admin and that we should trust him, can't manage to figure out a simple DNS resolution error by himself and instead of asking a user for information about his computer needs he asks me; basically meaning that I have to do his job for him. He claims he was a Domain Admin and he can't resolve basic hardware, software, and configuration errors! GaRRRR! What a freakin' newbie! It is bad enough that I have my job and part of my old team leads job but I can't do his job also.

Monday, February 4, 2008

I need to order some more nerves because these assholes are going to break my last one

I'm sick. I spent all superbowl weekend on my couch in a mild fever induced trip cramming myself full of vitamins and cough syrup. The people at work all saw me leave with the early on-set of death plague. Walking into my office this morning made it abundantly clear that while I had conquered death at her own game it had cost me something; in short I still wasn't back to my normally staggering amount of awesome.

We had a drive in our filer go bad. This isn't a problem. Every tray of hard drives has two hot spares ready to leap into action the moment one goes bad, and, in the highly unlikely even that three hard drives go bad all at once, the filer next to it is a hot copy that will auto swing into place. So one drive blowing is not bad. Especially since the filer calls the manufacturer, transmits the problem, and orders a replacement drive. When I got to work at 8:30 I found out about the problem and by 9 the drive had been picked up from the dock and slotted in the filer and everything was good.

Chet; my twit co-worker, who so wants to be my new team lead despite the fact that he can't find his ass with his hands and the help of a gay proctologist, comes in and starts asking me if I knew it had happened and telling me what I needed to do to fix it. He cut what is an incredibly easy procedure into the smallest possible of steps and then questioned me if I had done them yet in a manner that suggested I was a god damn retard incapable of listening and breathing at the same time. After I had explained to him that it was covered; an hour and a half before he showed up to work, he starts going into things I ought to do which I have already planned to do when I get a spare moment. I'm sick and it's early, but what the hell, suffering fools is good for the soul. I shush him up and tell him there isn't anything about this that he can request of me that I haven't already done or plan to do since it is my responsibility and not his. Politely told to shut up and leave he goes and I take several small breaths to restore my blood pressure to something that doesn't make me feel like I've got a chest burster about to pop out and kill half the crew of my starship while I have bad 80's hair and skimpy white panties .... sorry.

Two hours later when the old foggy that ran our NOC before my last team lead shows up; thats 12:30, 3.5 hours after I've fixed the problem, he starts in on if I knew of the problem and did I know how fixed it. But this guy is different slightly in that he doesn't stop to get my answer to his questions. He asks a question and then immediately goes into long excruciating detailed explanation of why it's important and how he'd have done it.

At this point I lose it. I just start chanting "I've already done that" with breaks only for breath while rocking back and forth. When the foggy stops talking I keep going; chanting my mantra. Eventually he is lost; not knowing what to do when a co-worker obvious has gone absolutely barking fucking mad, ape shit crazy in space. Then I seem to break free of my demonic possession, look at him, and tell him that if I've already done the next thing he asks me about this that he has to leave. He thinks about it; desperately hoping to pick something obscure so that he can continue being a obnoxious know-it-all and asks his question. Before he gets it all the way out I know I've already done it. "I've already done that" and point to the door. I kinda wished he had tried to keep talking so that I could just start barking and slathering at the mouth but he realizes I'm an inch from filling him full of squirrels and leaves.

I think I ought to post a list of warning signs so that co-workers and users don't cause me to burst because I can totally see me blacking out one day and coming to while repairing a computer; replacing parts, screwing and unscrewing stuff, when SWAT rolls through the door and tells me to put down the screw driver at which point I'll realize it was a dead bloody body that I was putting a new hard drive into.

Saturday, February 2, 2008


So the NFL is busting churches that show the super bowl on screens bigger that 55 inches because it violates copyright law. It is the view of the NFL and the US gov that screens that big can only be used for public events or some such thing.

Really? Seriously? I mean doing that to Fundamentalist asshole organization sounds like a gas; actually sounds like a good way to at least cost those fuckers some money and set precedent for the government cracking the churches over the head for breaking the law. However to do that to a peaceful organization that is only interested in sharing a hobby and brotherhood is kinda dickish.

Now that that's out of the way it would be kinda funny to roll around to a bunch of these Wal*Mart sized fundamentalist asshole churches and see if they are holding super bowl parties. Either the NFL will succesfully sue a church of assholes of the courts will overturn an assholish copyright law.

Free? In what parallel universe?

1. Women are not cows.

2. Marriage is not buying.

3. Real cows like being milked; it releases pressure. Not being milked regularly upsets them and is actually painful.

4. Free? Bullshit on a stick. Besides the numerous instances that men have to shell out actual money to prove our affection there are the multitudinous times we must perform various acts that show we care. Even that is not enough. We must at least seem to spontaneously come up with new ways to show our love; usually costing a major ambulatory appendage along with our favorite sleeve filler. Free? Hardly.

In short, I don't agree with the saying "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" at any point. The buying, marriage, part makes this sound like some form of long term prostitution. Furthermore, I hate February because society demands I spend a bunch of money on my women halfway through the month throwing into sharper relief that I don't have one.

The patriarchy has its upsides but some part of me would like it if women bought me drinks. Think about that for half a second guys; go out to the bar with you buddies and have random women try to get you drunk and take you home to have sex with? More domestic? Spend all day making sure the house is clean, hang out with friends, and pay the bills so that you can feed your woman when she comes home from the fucking corporate grind and maybe go down on her to help her relieve some stress.

I don't know where I'm going with this.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Holy Crap someone is actually reading this site

I was looking through the comments section of wordpress's  dashboard and apparently the interwebs have led what I can only assume is an extremely lost wanderer to this site and it are a discordian to boot.  Welcome Pope Eggs Benedict Arnold. I have no idea how google found us. These are the disjointed ramblings of mostly me. This site was set up so that I could keep my brain from fnording. I am Pope Zombie Bandersnatch; the Crazy Black Goat of the Contemplative Order of the Drunken Masters Cabal

The System Administrators Lament

1. I really shouldn't shoot the people who frustrate me with their incessant incomprehensible ill-informed demands.

2. I have a responsibility to help these asshats.

3. I have a pride in making sure that my systems function perfectly despite abuse from users.

4. There is always too much work to do.

5. Laugh because it is better than crying.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

I've exercised my eclesiastic muscles

I married Chris and Abby. I asked if they wanted to be married. I said words over it and sprayed them with beer. "You are now both wet for each other". I feel proud. It won't be official unless they bring me a marriage certificate and we all sign it with in 28 days.

Discordian weddings are fun.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

May the shapeless chaos from beyond the void eat you from the inside out and wear you like a suit

Can you have a fascist nation with an armed public?  If not then so long as we keep our guns and use them (let me be clear, I mean kill, literally, people with gun) should the government ever try to take them away, then we are good. I wonder how bad it can get without losing our guns.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

They started reporting the winners of the NH primary at 14%

I feel sick. I don't know what to do. I don't know why this is. I don't know how to help fix it. I don't know what is true, false, or my own hope biased opinions. Worse I can't see into the future and see what the results of this are going to be though my cynicism leads me to many horrible potential outcomes.

We have mass media setting inscrutable arbitrary standards to exclude candidates from important debates. From what I've heard the people who make the voting machines refuse to reveal the programming behind them. We have news sources reporting projections as facts.

Some part of me just wants the drink the kool-aide and go back to sleep so I can dream the American dream. Another part of me is disgusted that I could think about giving up and ashamed of such cowardly thoughts. And most of the rest of me is scared for what is going to happen in the future.

Good night.

Friday, January 4, 2008

fnords be damned

You're my little fnord pot; short and stout.
You need a handle on what life's about.
Keep yourself clean so you don't get gout.
And laugh because you cant figure it out.


If someone kills a bunch of people with an assault rifle it makes it more likely that laws will be passed to ban assault rifles. A better example is if a bunch of people fly some airplanes into a couple buildings then laws to restrict that from happening will be passed quickly to assuage the publics fear. That seems to me to indicate that Chaos promotes the creation of more laws. What if the opposite is true; that the sudden imposition of overly restrictive laws might create a resistance to them.  If the creation of law promotes chaos and the creation of chaos promotes law and I believe there is too much law then should I join some of the more fanatic law inducing organizations?

I think it is an interesting thought that the people who run ultra-evangelical organizations are trying to create chaos by imposing law.

Campaign to become the person in charge of car registration. Refuse to register cars for anyone who has any moving violations or some other wildly outrageous restriction.  Get thrown out of office and law put in place to prevent such restrictions again.

Become President of the USA. Pull all troops around the world back to the US. Declare Marshal Law citing the laws and acts that allow it. Declare that the Congress, Senate, and Judiciary branches of the FED are abolished. List off a bunch of people who are now declared Enemies of the State and have them executed without trial for passing the laws that allow this to be legal.  Remove the laws that imped social uprisings. Watch as the revolution rises and over throws you and makes laws so that this can never happen again. And just before you are executed declare yourself Ceaser and laugh at how they will remember you always as the cause of their renewed independence.

Zen Anarchist.  Zenarchist.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

My prayer

Hail Eris; full of mace!
Help us win this speed boat race!
Hurray! Lizard Shit! Fuck!

I made a new chao


It doesn't do to complete the circle

the Justified Ancients of Mummu = JAMs

"Lie down on the floor and keep calm" "It'll only hurt a bit" "This hurts me more than it hurts you" "Trust me" "I'll do what I can to help"

"The entropy of an isolated system which is not in equilibrium will tend to increase over time, approaching a maximum value at equilibrium."

"Chaos, Discord, Confusion, Bureaucracy, Aftermath"

"Misled by the pride of intellect"? really? Does that sound like "Your too smart for you're own good" or "Quit pointing out the flaws in our Religion. It makes us look like twats". The best I can see is that "your intelligence will cause you to out think yourself into inactivity".