Free? In what parallel universe?

1. Women are not cows.

2. Marriage is not buying.

3. Real cows like being milked; it releases pressure. Not being milked regularly upsets them and is actually painful.

4. Free? Bullshit on a stick. Besides the numerous instances that men have to shell out actual money to prove our affection there are the multitudinous times we must perform various acts that show we care. Even that is not enough. We must at least seem to spontaneously come up with new ways to show our love; usually costing a major ambulatory appendage along with our favorite sleeve filler. Free? Hardly.

In short, I don't agree with the saying "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" at any point. The buying, marriage, part makes this sound like some form of long term prostitution. Furthermore, I hate February because society demands I spend a bunch of money on my women halfway through the month throwing into sharper relief that I don't have one.

The patriarchy has its upsides but some part of me would like it if women bought me drinks. Think about that for half a second guys; go out to the bar with you buddies and have random women try to get you drunk and take you home to have sex with? More domestic? Spend all day making sure the house is clean, hang out with friends, and pay the bills so that you can feed your woman when she comes home from the fucking corporate grind and maybe go down on her to help her relieve some stress.

I don't know where I'm going with this.